


Jinji and Sunset

by restofourtimes



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: College AU, F/M, Personality Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-26
Updated: 2018-01-28
Packaged: 2019-03-09 18:20:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13487088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/restofourtimes/pseuds/restofourtimes
Summary: There was something you always dislike about Bokuto, but when that thing instantly disappear, you started to ask: What's wrong?





	1. Issues

**Author's Note:**

> Did I just write a fanfic abandoning others...? OK. But but, there is this thing about Bokuto I always like. He's such a big sunshine I want to watch him grow so I end up creating this... Enjoy everyone!

Bokuto sighs.

Unconsciously not realizing what made him feel down today, but considering the up and down tendency of his familiar mood swings (Akaashi, 2012), this heavy feeling that seemed so transparent over his sulking expression should not be a new thing. But today was not a usual day by any means.

If there is a thing that his friends are failing big time to realize about, it was Bokuto's thought on these recent days. The man himself didn't quite pay attention to whatever it was that first caused to direct new thoughts inside his mind. It was that he thought about his own way of living these days, if he needed to make it sound so exaggerated at the end.

These days, as he reached the final year of his university, getting himself up to face the beginning of final bachelor thesis and other final year stuffs all the students need to pay attention at, he started to think about how he always be so transparent and showing the current state of emotion he was in at every certain moment. Bokuto himself actually had realized this trait (or weakness, when it was not needed) of him even since when he reluctantly gave himself in to his mood at the preliminary volleyball match against Nekoma of 2014 Nationals.

As he carelessly tapped the IC card, bundled perfectly in a 100 Yen card holder chain (he bought in Seria), in such a routine way to enter the Chuo-Daigaku West Gate after such a long day of practice. The long walk he needed to get it done from the campus gymnasium to the East Gate of his beloved university' Tama Campus never felt this dreadful. Maybe because it was the heavy training of today that Bokuto had, or maybe that he finally realized on how far the gymnasium from the station that he needed cross the whole area of Tama and probably meet some friends of him that honestly keep giving him the concerned look as they didn't find the down expression of him to match his usual cheerful traits (they're not close friends anyway). 

Or maybe it was that there is something happened today that seemed like it turned the switch on him to be more grumpy than usual when Bokuto was down.

 

* * *

 

Chuo University is separated into several campuses with the main and largest one taken its place on the west side of Tokyo, Tama Campus, one in Shinjuku area and the other one in Bunkyo for the university's science and engineering field. The one faculty that Bokuto's parents didn't think their dear son would choose for his major related. Yes, Bokuto finds himself a trace of liking in Physics though he wasn't quite amused with the effort to study the advance part of the big field (he still decides to judge that one needs to be very genius to understand those quantum mechanics, maybe like Akaashi). That's why he decides that with a little part of physics, Mechanical Engineering should be fun, though he still hasn't decided the laboratory he would be into for his bachelor thesis. This fourth-year pressure was real.

The Kourakuen Campus, a general name for his Bunkyo city campus, was actually very nice when you think for a place to live. Clearly the place is near to everywhere for your needs as its place served in the heart of Tokyo, and Tokyo is known as a place of anything. Well, compared to the Tama Campus where its location is taken to much much more west where in Bokuto's head (sometimes Kuroo also agree to this, well, he likes Highballs and Hachiōji doesn't have any Hibiya Bar for its finest) there are not so many entertainments there compared Bunkyo.

BUT. The volleyball aka his very and most important enlightenment/love was always taken for its training in the Tama Campus, which is more than one hour commute to Hachiōji from Tokyo. It would sound so petty compared to his passion for volleyball but when bad days come like today, Bokuto would groan on the stupidity of the distance. Anyway, he still got Kuroo to have the same situation for a commute company.

Maybe it was because that today he was going back to his apartment alone as Kuroo guiltily but happily excused himself for an after-training _nomikai_ with his old teammates of high schools. The long commute journey then made Bokuto served for himself to stay silent and he can't help his mind to not think about what happened previously today. Which made his brain to think further about his... personality.

 

Earlier today, Coach Kojima was scolding Bokuto for good after his sudden downright of mood at the first half of practice. 

Bokuto (and he was sure the other teammates too) had learned that Coach Kojima may not be the most patient when it comes to such a trivia and irregular reason for his students to give away their capability in the game (or games in practice). It's not like Bokuto and the coach hasn't try to talk about the ways to control mood swings that let's be real, holds back the overall performance of Chuo Team.

Maybe because this issue of him still appearing after such growth and years getting older (can he say that he's an adult now?), even a person like Coach Kojima gives up his cool now that Bokuto's mood swing taken its place again today.

Yeah, Bokuto realized about this that it's more like it has been four years for God's sake since Bokuto enters university and its volleyball team, it has been four years since dark days filled with emotions of high schools, and it has been four years he was not getting any younger but his mood swings were still there as clear as day.

If Akaashi was there he must have been scolding him for blaming situations as that's what Bokuto did right now.

In Bokuto's defense, he already tried everything to implement what Coach Kojima and sometimes his dear friends suggesting to control his sudden down mood. Like the most stupid thing (but Bokuto still believes for its chance) such as taking a deep breath and release like a panting bunny after some runs. Until the one that Kuroo swore it has the highest success rate: let's go order some Yamazaki???

 

But today it proved that none of them works.

A sound of reminder from the train speaker that the train almost reaches the next stop where Bokuto needs to change train suddenly appear. With a still-looking-like-there-is-no-purpose-of-living kind of expression, he lazily gets up and that moment he decided:

It has been years of him growing and it has been the time he needs to pick up whatever shit his mood has been put up on himself, so now, let's try to control this damn mood swings.

He knew this mood swings won't get him anywhere. Another thing from today's training has proved that.

No, no, not that harsh scolding from Coach Kojima. It was the big announcement that the coach had talked to the rest of the team as their training finished. It was decided that both Kuroo and Bokuto had been selected for 2018 team by Nakagaichi, the head of Ryujin Nippon coach. 

It sounds so great for Bokuto that there's nothing wrong but it was until Coach Kojima asked for a one-on-one talk with him that the coach felt it was necessary to emphasize the disadvantage that Bokuto's mood swings had been giving to his performance. (Second time today, after those scolds)

 

"Bokuto-san, the announcement earlier was not finished. I've been given a special information that you would be given a special attention on the upcoming Intercollegiate."

"Eh, what do you mean, Coach?"

"They still haven't decide who will be placed for the main second Wing Spiker position, you or the one from Hosei. Though both of you would clearly still be in the team name list."

Coach Kojima was always so blunt, in an honest way. He never made the things he wanted to speak in a vague way, he would say what he needed to say in the clearest form.

"I said already earlier when I scold you, you have to find a way to steady your performance."

Bokuto cannot lie that it was a damn difficult critic to accept.

He knows it so well himself, but now he really knows the big effect his traits had obstacle himself. It's Ryujin Nippon for his dream's sake. It can't be like this.

He needed to change. 

He needed to stop being so transparent.

Though he was too ashamed to talk about this to Akaashi, Bokuto might give a try to ignore the emotion as best as he could. He decided that he won't trade his dream for his emotions now, not anymore. Staying bright and cheerful every time won't be that hard right? Well, his past-self prove it was indeed but let's start a new self today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story would start at the beginning of January 2018 at the end of 6th semester in your undergraduate studies. There are some details I've taken from real life reference but this work has no meaning to reflect the real-life situation nor having any connections with it. #ok


	2. 1 AM

"It was not like I'm the part of the club or anything."

Kuroo shook his head in disagreement, hands on your shoulders pushing you to keep walking forward.

"And why did I even agree to come here? Oh, I forgot, it was you who begged me saying there was something you want to decide about final thesis laboratory choice!" You clearly are annoyed, once again getting into Kuroo's trap. It's nothing new, you always found yourself agreeing at every demand of him.

Kuroo had asked you to meet him in Yokohama, that makes it another thing to be complained about. It was Saturday evening and Kuroo had just finished his all-day training in his campus and you were actually enjoying the start of your plain weekend before another class on Monday by taking a me-time of napping all-afternoon in your comfortable residence room. 

"The weather was so nice, (f/n)! I cannot let you lazy around on such a great weekend. Besides, it was only my Nekoma team, you went to the same high school with them."

"But why is it in Yokohama? You're in Hachiōji and I was in the middle of Bunkyo!" You tried to complain though honestly, you had nothing better to do and you already reached the place anyway. But the distance to reach the Yokohama Station you've taken from your residence for the sake of edgy Izakaya nearby is somehow making you think it's better to stay safe and sound with your beanbag.

It's actually not like it was the first time for you to join Kuroo's Nekoma team party as you found yourself in several times when you're still in the third year of high school. But after you, Kuroo and Yaku left for university the intensity of meet-ups began to decrease. Especially when you had those two years general period of university, you had so many things to keep up with your academic and club activity so you ended up declining Kuroo's invitation.

But now you're in senior year and you realized it has been some time to meet up with the guys (it's not like you've a special place between them, but they are okay). It is the thing that if you become Kuroo's childhood friend you will join him to every party he's in. Partly to make sure he was capable to reach home after shots and whatnots. Somehow, in a nonverbal way, Kenma has trusted you on this issue.

"Come on, there's no harm to commute a little longer. Well, I do need your help, these two robotic laboratories confuse me up. We gotta have _nijikai_ just the two of us to talk about this senior year complications." 

 You sighed, but at the end, you can do anything for Kuroo. "Yeah, yeah, okay, lead the way, bedhead."

 He grinned, hands moved to position himself right next to you, one arm still holds your shoulder.

  

* * *

 

Bokuto hissed in the burning sensation as the Sapporo beer flowed through his throat. Sitting comfortably on the bean bag he and Kuroo decide to split in half for the bill, his mind once again kicked in to think about what happened today.

It was just that this invitation to join Ryujin Nippon was his dream at any means. And Bokuto felt a trace of fear starting to exist at the possibility of him losing the place just because of his stupid mood swings.

And he decided to never let that happen.

He realized though, that there are many things has changed. Though he had been this up and down since high schoo, he himself never faced a situation where the threat of his trait to be this big.

Maybe it was because this is the Japan National Team that we're talking about.

Or maybe there is also this thing that Bokuto felt university days had been quite chaotic since Akaashi wasn't here to pick his problems up and take him back to the right direction.

It's not like the two hadn't talk for so long, but playing without him gave a difference. Though, they did catch up with each other despite being in different prefectures.

 

Sometimes, Bokuto can't believe that it had been four years playing with Chuo Team, times do fly so fast. It felt different compared to the times he played with Fukurodani but mostly it was good with his current team. Especially now there are already Hinata and Kageyama, that freaky duo creates the team atmosphere rather... unique. It was nice to have a _kouhai_ that keeps looking up to you.

He took a breath, realizing the silence of the apartment was a little bit suffocating. 

His mind planted a statement once again, for the God knows how many time it was, that he needed to change.

 

_Gotta cover up the sad ones, it's not like I'm a teenager anymore._

The last gulp Bokuto had was done marked by a sudden crash of the apartment door opened, showing a girl struggled to enter the apartment with one tall guy clinging on her shoulder.

Bokuto raised his eyebrows in surprise, though this is not the first time for Kuroo to come wasted. It was 1 AM and he should've known the moment Kuroo didn't reach the apartment yet.

"Ah, Bokuto-san, sorry to disturb you in the middle of the night but you can see, Kuroo did it again."

Bokuto quickly helped you to exchange the weight of Kuroo's body and guide him safely to his bed. The latter looked entirely wasted to even be conscious.

It was until Bokuto and you were sure that Kuroo had safely reached his mattress, you tried to bid yourself a goodbye to the black-white haired guy that surprisingly to you, looked very tired. 

 

_Where does the happy-go-round guy go?_   You thought silently.

 

"Hey, just stay here. There is no train anymore anyway, it's not good for you to go home this late." Bokuto stopped you quickly, with an oh-so-bright smile on his face. Yet...

There is something different in Bokuto at the moment and you knew it without a doubt.

The smile looked so different...

 

You've known the guy for almost four years at the end, since Kuroo forcefully introduced you to every friend of him even with different high schools to go. Though you didn't follow Kuroo to the last summer training camp in high school era, but when Nekoma faced Fukurodani in the preliminaries you cannot avoid the meeting.

And now, with Bokuto being the one and only Kuroo's roommate, you would always see him at least once a month. For an acquaintanceship, you think that you knew Bokuto enough well and long. At least to recognize the difference on his expression today.

For the whole four years, you never had a chance to see Bokuto not being Bokuto. You already saw his happy days and sad days with those 180 degrees difference on the behavior. You already saw how energetic he becomes when he was in the happiest condition, and you also already saw how sulking he can become that sometimes you felt like he was actually a kid. 

It was just that for you, Bokuto always keen to show what he really feels, no hiding whatsoever. No matter whether he was happy or sad, he would really portrayed his emotion without lies or pretending.

But today you clearly saw the opposite. The smile he just gave you when he stopped you from leaving was new, you've never seen this one on his face before. At least for the past four years. The smile was so contrast with the tired eyes that still vividly seen (at least that's what you think) no matter how far he tried to pull it to match the curve from his mouth.

But you swallowed the thoughts in and clear, it's not like you've been his best friend to care about him just because he was Kuroo's roommate (well, you knew he and Kuroo make such good friendships, even to the level of bestfriend). Even for the past four years, honestly, you're not that close to Bokuto. 

There are of course those times where you ended up going up with him especially when Kuroo tried to make a home party. There are also times where you end up eating yakiniku with him (and Kuroo again of course). But even after all this time, and even after all those openly extrovert gestures Bokuto had thrown in the air, you still didn't find yourself to let him closely enter your life.

Kuroo once asked why do you seem so distant with Bokuto even after such a long time being "friends". 

And it's one of the rare things you can never tell Kuroo. Sometimes there are things just better to left unsaid.

 

"Thanks, maybe you're right." You answered eventually.

Bokuto smiled wider but the abnormality in his expression still there.

 

_You looked tired, why don't you sleep? it's past 1 AM._

But of course, it's just your thought. Once again, It's not that you obliged to take care of him just because he was your best friend's good friend.

"Anyway, when will you drop the '-san', (f/n)-chan~" Bokuto suddenly said, stopping you from throwing yourself in the couch. "And, Kuroo would beat the hell out of me if I let you sleep there. Go take my room."

You cringed every time Bokuto did that. You don't know why but surely you didn't quite find the way he called you comfortable.

"Don't call me that. We're born in the same year."

He chuckled, but in a split of seconds you see the abnormality once again. A milisecond of the way his eyes twitched but formed the previous curve to match his smile that now looks more fake than ever. For a split of seconds you felt the world stopped as you caught such error on his cheerful traits.

 

_What was that?_

 

Quickly ignore away the confusion you started to get with what happened to Bokuto™. You sighed, mostly tired to argue him and he got the point. Having a fight in the morning of Kuroo scolding you for sleeping at couch is already head-aching enough.

"Okay, I'll go first. Thanks for the room. Good night."

Bokuto nodded and waved.

Still with the fake smile staying ever so persistently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case this would help:  
> I choose the timeline at the early of January when it was close to the end of class period for 6th semester. The guys are confused with their laboratories choice for Bachelor Thesis which they need to submit at April 2018. (sounds so ambitious but) #trying  
> *nijikai: second round of nomikai (drinking party), I've once heard a story when for nomikai some people choose to have an expensive drinks and then crash to the nijikai for cheaper ones in cheap Izakaya xD


	3. Breakfast

"Hey, hey, heeey." Bokuto's voice cheerfully waking you up and the next thing coming into your mind was the fact that he might go to sleep later than you and Kuroo, how did he manage to be so awake?

Yet you swipe away the thoughts, once again chanting a spell that it's not your damn business.

"You woke up already, Bokuto-san?" You murmured slowly, one hand rubbed your own eyes to get a better view of surrounding.

"(F/n)-chan! Yes, it's a good thing to wake up early and I need to wake you and Kuroo up so we can eat breakfast!"

You narrowed your eyes, partly suspicious at his statement because Bokuto cannot cook and the last time you remember joining breakfast with both Kuroo and Bokuto was grabbing Tuna-Mayo onigiri at nearest 7-Eleven.

And partly because Bokuto looked overly enthusiastic. Bokuto did always look overly enthusiastic, but this is different.

"You mean you need to wake us up, so I can cook you two breakfast?"

The cynicism was right there.

Bokuto pleaded in spoil, "Well, it sounds much better than those onigiris I almost eat every day before class.", with hands meet together in demanding action.

"Yeah, yeah, be a nice guy and sit silently okay. I'll be right back with the worst omelette ever."

Bokuto chuckled, but the tone he next used to reply you makes you startled,

 

"You seriously don't like me, don't you?"

You quickly moved your head in his direction to catch his figure. Your eyes met his back facing you, making your attempt to seek for his expression completely futile.

 

_What was that again?_

 

The gesture Bokuto just throw to you somehow reminding you of the last night fake-act he puts ever so clearly.

"What?" You dared to ask. Though actually, if you look it once again remembering how you always act towards Bokuto, the question he just asked you should not be a surprise.

Bokuto hummed his newest favorite song, sometimes adding a vocal when he knew the words. Clearly he was ignoring you. Purposely.

You rolled your eyes to ignore the previous encounter, once again chanting yourself how you two just mere acquaintances and maybe you just don't hella suit to each other. 

Let's go back to how many eggs we need today.

 

* * *

 

_The air surrounding felt it was hotter than ever, and slightly suffocating if he might add._

_Bokuto panted heavily with sweats traced down his temple, they felt cold. He quickly ruffled his own hair that now acted more like a bang with how damp it had become when he slept through the short night. The wooden digital clock on his nightstand reminded him that it was only a half past three, but the nightmare he just faced felt so real and longer than he can ever remember._

_It was so scary._

_And somehow Bokuto cannot find himself to calm down nor catching up his breath. Forcing his tired body to move, he was mentally thanking_ universe _that he left the glass water just near enough._

_His breath calm down soon enough, but not enough to forget the scenes of his unconscious time just then._

 

_There was that scene when Bokuto found himself sat on the bench, not for just a momentarily switch in the game for the sake of rotation. He was wearing jackets, and he hadn't put his knee-tights yet. All those trivia were speaking louder than any words from his coach that he was just a full-time bench warmer, wearing the white-red uniform he had bloody imagine wearing in his past self. With a flag of his nation on his chest._

_Then there was a scene where he can see another guy of his team spike so well scoring the final game point, and how then he high five the setter. And that celebrating gesture the_ spiker _just put up. Bokuto soon found himself gritting his teeth harder than he ever imagines._

 

 _Bokuto tried to take a breath, a deep and long breath. Trying so hard to remove the scenes away before he could do some other rash thing he always_ hate _. But then he was reminded again with what Coach Kojima had said, and his mind raced to the act he has been putting up later that night._

_Bokuto had the problem and he also has the answer right into his palm. Even he had tried so hard to practice it before._

_The way he tried pathetically to fake-smile in front of (name) previously in the night when he felt the need to gloom over the time away. It was enough, right?_

_But why did he felt so much pain when he faked all those acts? Were other people doing this thing_ in _a daily basis? Why did he never try to do that before, that this act he did for the first time felt so foreign?_

 

_Bokuto took another gulp of water just when he felt his breath started to feel very stuffy. Maybe the beer had taken its effect out, the exhaustion was soon clinging him heavier as the dawn passed._

_But he had the answer for_ his _problem, all he needs is just to polish those fake acts up so he can cover the mood swings better than ever._

_Then he would secure the place on National Team, wouldn't he?_

_The plan seemed so easy inside his mind, but the pain he just felt was spreading rapidly and Bokuto doesn't want to recognize that._

 

* * *

 

"You two don't have training today? I thought Intercollegiate was starting soon?"

Kuroo answered with both broccoli and a piece of omelette in his mouth, "Nah, we will start the intense training next month. Until February, we will only have regular ones."

You nodded in acknowledgment, stuffing another gulp of milk afterward.

Kuroo looked at you while his hands busy taking the boiled potato from Bokuto's plate.

"Hey! You had your own portion!" Bokuto complained in protest.

"Do you have a plan today, (f/n)?" Kuroo asked you carelessly ignoring his teammates who tried to payback him by stealing his omelette.

 

_Ah, he's back to the usual self._

 

"Probably hunting some old records in Recofan and going to buy some stationaries in Daiso."

Kuroo smirked mockingly, "Ah, I forgot you never get tired of those 100 Yen sales."

You glared back at him, clearly not amused with his provocative traits in the early of morning, "Glad to know you know, man."

"Just kidding, let me accompany you. I got nothing better to do. Do you want to join also, Bokuto?"

Bokuto shook his hand, quickly enthusiastically explaining his plan for the Sunday.

"Naaah, I need to go to Jimbocho. There was a book Akaashi would like to have for his birthday. Though I don't know what the hell it was about."

Kuroo shrugged, Jimbocho did sound like a place for all treasure such person like Akaashi would like to find at.

"Great. How about dinner together? It has been a while since we have some Yakiniku in An-an."

 

Kuroo was always the planner of your small circle of three (read: Bokuto, Kuroo and You). He always suggested to dinner together or make some cooking-together kind of time. Sometimes when Bokuto found a new place he really wanted to try, he would be suggesting also but it was always Kuroo who directly invites you to the occasions. Your speculation is that:

  1. Kuroo silently knows your dislike toward the happy-go-round Bokuto guy despite how long Kuroo himself had been trying to get you closer with his best friend. And now he still doesn't give up trying.
  2. Bokuto never directly invites you after several futile attempts he tried to ask you to join the occasion where you, somehow, always decline his offer with some cynical statement. So Kuroo would be the one who gathers you three.



 

Truth be told, Bokuto was not your most favorite person. And you hoped no one asked you what the reason was.

You could feel for a split of second Bokuto was giving you a glance, _ah so he's not the one who realizes that our relationship goes nowhere_. 

But the guy could quickly cover, maybe due to his natural capability of lightening up the atmosphere and be as energetic as usual.

"Nice idea! It's been so long since those cheap meets clearly match with our student status."

Kuroo nodded gave him a thumbs up, he himself was really missing those 290 Yen of a beef plate.

"I'll take you back to your apartment, you could wash up and we'll go hunting your trash afterward. Sounds ok?"

You rolled your eyes, always amazed how Kuroo always looked so eager to be the one who thought up the plan every time he was going out with you.

"Roger that, bedhead. Who are you anyway? My mom?" You stuffed the last bite of boiled potato, feeling almost full.

Kuroo smiled sweetly, hands above your head ready to mess up your head. 

 

"Nah, I just really like to look out for you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Jimbocho is known for so many bookstores and also book stalls (used and new books) on their streets and the place is so greaaat. I really like the atmosphere and I just think that it matches with Akaashi personality. I can clearly imagine suddenly meeting Akaashi while he was looking for old literature book (ok) and bought an overpriced old English postcard.


	4. Kuroo

"I'm always amazed at how many records you have. Did you buy them every day?"

Both you and Kuroo entered your apartment room that looks a little bit wider than it should be. Living in a one-room small studio, you decided at the end of last year to pack away the unnecessary and redecorate your space again. One of the things that remain was your records collection. Note that how great this country to have stores selling one used record for 100 Yen only!

"Stop complaining, Mister. I'll be right back in a minute."

You quickly rushed to grab few clothes and towel to quickly start your morning shower. Yesterday drinking was a blast (look at how Kuroo ended up), and you need to refresh yourself.

Kuroo automatically busy himself by glancing around your studio. There were not many changes, he thought, despite the clean up you have done last year.

 

He somehow missed to be here, he remembered those times when he begged for your time to study together no matter how many times you told him that your majors are different. But he was hopeless with the Electric Materials subject and you majoring materials engineering might be a help for him.

There were also those nights where you forced Kuroo to watch your new favorite TV shows but he ended up being more enthusiastic than you are at the halfway of story. It was when Bokuto took a trip back to his house so Kuroo won't have to feel guilty or so.

His searching eyes soon found something he just cannot hold back the smile when he catches the figure. It was a small picture frame that when Kuroo looked around, it was the one of the only two in the living room. He remembered that you also had some polaroid pictures hanging on your corkscrew board but seeing that you care to put your picture with just him in the frame makes him happy.

The picture was taken when you two celebrate your 19th birthday. Despite your continues denying of Kuroo's birthday-celebration-idea (taking you one whole day for a trip to Sendai and enjoy the packed-city like, that you both agree it was the next best thing after Kamakura's Enoden line), you still follow him to any place that day. When he teased you about that, you quickly (with stutters) denying that it was only because Kuroo kept taking your hand that of course, you cannot go except following him.

Kuroo knows you way better than best, unsurprisingly, with history you two had together. He knew what acts he should do to make you agree with him, he knew what things that make you cry. He knew the most favorite and most hated food of you. He knew the stupid things you like and stupid rants you always told him like it was the most important thing going on right now. He also knew how you liked to challenge him by throwing cynical statements, and how you (shyly) deny when you realized nice things Kuroo had done to you.

It's not like you being all cold up in the outside, but Kuroo has teased you for the millionth time (that you realized it might just a side effect if you have this guy to be in your life) with his provocative remarks, that makes you want to give the words back to him. 

Yet, there are also times when you comfort him and encourage him. You said that it was a normal thing best friend do, duh. But Kuroo would always remember the moments vividly, like it was permanently planted in the back of his mind. Those times when Nekoma loses and those times when Kuroo was confused about his university choices, he was grateful for you to always be there.

 

Kuroo picked up the small frame, tracing every pixel printed on the 4R photo print inside. You smiled so brightly and Kuroo did the same with his hand holding the phone for a selfie you took together. The picture was actually taken in front of Aobadori Bus Stop, right after you two found out that you would just missed the last Bus to Tokyo even if you have a heartful run to the bus stops in front of Sendai Station. And maybe because it was your birthday, or maybe because you two had so much fun that day where you two ended up only laughing away the missed bus.

He still remembers that day clear as ever, that he was also shamelessly suggested (also enthusiastically) to spend the rest of night for a cheap Karaoke time.

"What are you looking at?" You peeked out from his back to see what he was doing in front of your work desk.

"Can't believe you cherish our friendship so much. I knew you were a lazy ass to print pictures you ended up buying Instax."

You sighed in his obnoxious joke, but silently agreeing with him,

"Of course, what a privilege for me to have a best friend who is Prom King runner-up!"

Kuroo quickly widens his eyes at your back remarks, and pinched both your cheeks in revenge. Widely.

"I told you not to bring that up!"

"I told you not to pinch my cheeks away like this!"

"That boy only wins because he just got accepted into some weird idol agency!"

You smirked seeing how riled up Kuroo to be reminded of his past (secretly) high school bitter memory.

"Okay, okay, no matter how runner-up or third or even the last you became, stop pinching my cheeks and I will tell you that you're the most suitable Prom King candidate."

Kuroo pulled away, though he did enjoy your look that time when both your cheeks spread up. It looks funny for him but he kept it by himself not wanting any kicks nor hits on him.

"It's not that I care for that Prom King thing anyway."

You snickered lazily, "Yeah, yeah." 

"You're ready?"

"Wait, just put some makeups and I'll be done."

Kuroo nodded and continue examining other stuffs in your studio he thinks he hadn't see in the last time he paid a visit.

 

* * *

 

"You bought ten records??" Kuroo sighed in disbelief but then soon realize what the next thing usually happens every time he went shopping with you. He soon quickly regretted a bit why did he voluntarily join you.

"It was 50% discount if you buy 10 items. So I only need to pay for 500 Yen!"

"Riiiight, come here. Let me carry these stuff before you even ask."

You smiled widely, loving how knowing your best friend could be sometimes.

"Buy me a Latte."

Your smile turned into a frown in a flash, you knew Kuroo always calculate things.

"I knew it. Ah, there is a good coffee shop I want to try behind the Tower Records, let's go there."

 

Walking through the busy streets of Shibuya, you and Kuroo chatted fluently. You both realized that it's been sometimes when just the two of you went out together like this. Last night  _nijikai_ should not be counted as it ended up with Kuroo being tipsy on the second glass of  _Umeshu_. These days mostly it was with Nekoma, Bokuto or his friends from his major. You both commented at every new things you found on the way to the coffee shops. There are several new things you saw in Shibuya streets, mostly because you two didn't find that crowded infamous place to be a weekend getaway. You two prefer the Minato Mirai 21 if you feel like to go for a mainstream tourist place.

"Hey, I just realized it's been sometimes since you make me a coffee. I kinda miss your V60."

"You mean you missed to not making coffee on your own?"

Kuroo grins at your remarks, he realized you just getting any better these days. Those long times he teaches you all those comeback lines had paid off.

He messed up your hair for response, receiving a glare from you.

As you two reached the coffee shop, you quickly went to the cashier making the orders up while Kuroo found a nice seat.

"What did you order?" Kuroo half-stand up to see your same latte order with him.

"As you see. Two brown sugar right?"

Kuroo smiled, "You know me so well, (f/n)."

Taking a big piece of his Red Velvet, Kuroo glanced at you,

"I heard that you will go to Korea in March. So, you can't see my game?"

"It was only two weeks, at the rear end of March. Maybe I can manage to visit the first two games."

Kuroo nodded, though actually a little bit disappointed at the thought you won't be there in finals. What an optimist.

It's not like Chuo had to struggle their way in Intercollegiate, the university volleyball team itself was known for their great team that won many numbers of title in the past. But these past years, the competition is real where there are numbers of notable spectators like Hosei University and Tsukuba. Also, there is always a chance for new or new old team coming up with their new way, just like Karasuno in the past.

"What was it again?"

You took another bite of your lemon chiffon cake before answering him, "Ah, it was just the design camp and competition. There are few electrical students and it scares me how capable they are of making such mechatronics."

"Good luck, I know my little (f/n) would make it as usual."

You gave him a look, "Pshh, what was that supposed to mean..."

"Well compared to my height, you looked so little sometimes." Kuroo chuckled.

You pushed his shoulder softly, "Hey! Never thought you would body shaming me!"

"Just kidding, (f/n). But I just speak the truth, it would be so easy to have you under my arm."

You stopped at Kuroo's words. In honesty, time like this that makes Kuroo was so hard to decipher.

Trying to wash away the words Kuroo had just thrown, you kept believing that it was just a usual playful tease as we know now that we talk about Kuroo Tetsurou here.

You looked down trying to believe that your cake was the most interesting thing right now, clearly not daring to look back at the guy in front of you. Maybe playing dumb was the best.

But the guy looked at you in amusement, enjoying how his remarks silence you. It may look so cruel, but throwing the truths Kuroo had just reserved for all this time about his feeling toward you in sudden like this was indeed pleasurable. One thing because he realized that he may be in a very friendzone condition now that he needed to spice things up and one thing because he liked to see you not knowing what to do because of him.

Kuroo pulled his hands up in the air then moved it to the back of his head, holding it on. Moving backward to lean on his chair, his glance was still on you.

"Sooo... No one coming for your graduation next year?"

You finally looked back at him again, as his expression wasn't leading any of his statement to the usual tease he puts up after all these years. What's with him today? You remembered on how Kuroo seemed a busybody in your love life and teasing you at every chance he got but today has been the time when you thought he had been bored with it except it turns out he wasn't in any way.

You knew what he meant by that question. No, you don't have someone or whatever this stupid question is asking right now.

"Did you just really ask that? Why bother to give you answer that you already knew."

"Okay, I would come! I miss your parents too."

You glanced him sharply, "Of course you would come, I would pull you right there from wherever you are to see me graduated."

 

"No, (f/n)..." Kuroo's voice sounds a little bit low, yet the intensity of his gaze didn't flicker at any single second.

"I mean, don't you think we're perfect for each other?"

You would laugh off things Kuroo had just put up today if you didn't catch the seriousness on both of those black orbs. Why did he suddenly become this weird?

"Did you eat something weird today?" 

You tried to take it as a joke. Because isn't it just a joke Kuroo usually thrown off when he was only with you?

Finding out that you won't budge from your speculation where you think what he said was all nonsense, Kuroo sighed in defeat. It's not the first time anyway for his feelings aren't delivered properly. Yet.

"Right, right, anyway let's go to somewhere before the dinner. Any place you have in mind?"

You shook your head, quickly move on your thoughts from whatever the conversation was Kuroo and you were having. As quickly as the guy did.

 

Kuroo ended up suggested to see around some indoor stores like Tokyu Hands or Loft since the weather outside is not getting any warmer. The time passed so quickly afterward, both of you soon are already in a place to wait in line for the next table in An-an. Successfully managed to persuade Bokuto to come all the way from Ueno (what did he actually do that he ended up there after the Jimbocho shopping?) to the restaurant. Somehow he managed to reach the place in time right when your name was called on for the new available table.

The meats were damn good. And cheap. Bokuto ended up successfully to persuade you two to order the all you can eat package instead.

 

* * *

 

Kuroo insisted that he and Bokuto needed to take you to your apartment just because it has the usual thing he did ever since God knows when. Bokuto was always an easygoing person he would quickly agree, that in the end, both of you ended up having another cup of Americano you felt like giving them after they safely (and kindly) take you home.

"Whoa, I think your place looked bigger than the last time I've been here." Bokuto remarks. Seemed like he was in a good mood all day this Sunday.

You nodded, not bother to give any comments.

"Just what I had thought this morning, I've always expected for her to only lazy around but it turns out she still can clean up her place. You surpassed my expectation, (l/n)"

It was inevitable for Kuroo to receive a good hit soon on his head with the magazine you were reading while the three of you enjoy the coffee.

Kuroo suddenly glanced up, somehow his eyes looked so brightly you knew he is going to deliver an idea. He moved from his seating position to face you better.

"(F/n), how about we three go to Kamakura after exams and enjoy the hot chocolate that we went there last time. It was so good though the price was a little bit pricey."

Bokuto looked up from his phone, "What's this hot chocolate thing? Oya, count me in! Count me in!"

You gave the first man a confused look, "Just us three?" 

It was another second of you were about to ask why did Kuroo invites Bokuto but it would sound so rude and that also would give Kuroo a big question you don't want him to ask.

Kuroo nodded, "come on, it would be fun to visit the cafe and maybe we can go to the beach if the weather was good."

"It would be damn cold though, you mean around February right?"

Kuroo chuckled like it was the most obvious thing to say, "Well, that's why they made Heattech."

"Ohmygod, Bokuto-san, help me."

"No, (f/n), he was right, let's go all the waaay to forget our final exams that day!"

Of course, you would regret to even ask Bokuto for a backup. You sighed but nodded for the plans, which ended up with Kuroo high five up the silver-haired guy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> arghhh i felt like i made the kuroo - reader chemistry so awkward but believe me in my head it's not #sobs


	5. Almost Surrender

The weather app on his phone showed a mere 2 degrees Celcius explaining the sunny weather contribution despite that Tokyo is at its peak of winter. Bokuto got off the Chuo line lazily along the swarms of people busily entering the Shinjuku Station. 

Today's training was done rather... successful? There were no complaints from Coach Kojima about performances though he still gave him glances when the spike Bokuto did wasn't at its best. 

In honesty, this Saturday again turned to be not the best in his life. It was the most trivial thing but the fact that Bokuto didn't manage to reach the gym on time due to unlucky circumstances where his nightmare ghosted him once again last night made him felt like it was so hard to be bright. The delay on the long commute wasn't doing any help either.

Kuroo gave him a long lecture of waking up early though he immediately stopped when he found the usual sulking expression on Bokuto's. Yet the black haired guy still decided that he would be giving him the cynical comments just a little bit more.

When Kuroo was asking what's the matter this time, Bokuto did the act once again. 

"Nah, nothing. Just woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Did you grab any breakfast yet? I miss the 100 Yen Karage!" Bokuto quickly diverts the conversation and expressed his full hunger by pulling Kuroo carelessly to the nearest convenience store. Successfully making the other guy baffled by his spirit.

It was a nice morning and Kuroo approved the sudden comeback of Bokuto's energy. Maybe the reason was not big enough to make him feel down or so he thought. Though the truth was clearly the opposite.

The training went well though there are numbers of crosses from Bokuto that out of target or just successfully blocked by the opposite men. But the main highlight for the guy is that he felt like he managed to fool around everyone in the gym that he was not in his downfall time of mood.

Yet he felt worse instead.

Though there are no comments nor criticism Bokuto received today, but the acts he puts up to cover his true colors were making him guiltier moments by moments. It's like lying, and it's like you weren't given a chance to let out what you feel. Is it how you supposed to feel when you can't express what you feel?

Is it how you supposed to feel when you become an adult?

But when he remembered the dream staying aghast last night and days before (it's not like he was superstitious but Coach Kojima had warned him, hadn't he?), he knew he cannot lose National Team just because of the sake of his feeling.

 

* * *

 

You walked lazily toward the new south-west gate of the station, taking a brief stop in front of your favorite coffee shop to calculate pros and cons on whether of you having or not having a nice cup of almond latte inside the cafe.

It turns out you did a calculation way longer than you had anticipated that someone interrupted it just when you decide the option,

"(F/n)! What did you do here?"

You glanced up at the person and saw a familiar golden eyed guy smiling ever so brightly on your side.

"Ah, Bokuto-san. I just stop by the station to check out small shop before the exit. But then, a cup of coffee looked very tempting."

His grin became wider than you thought it could,

"Let's just go inside, ah, can I join you? I have nothing better to do."

You narrowed your eyes at him, feeling more guarded wherever you were with him, "don't you have any exam this week?"

Before you realized both of you had already reached the cashier to put orders. It was then when you two managed to find seats facing the window that he finally answered.

Or not.

"Aren't you too?"

You gave him a look but surrendered as you got caught. In reality, you stumbled around Shinjuku to get a fresh air thought that the crowd could make you feel numb from the stress of final exams week, or more like, procrastination.

Bokuto seemed to understand since he didn't do any better.

"I just finished training and," You quickly looked back at him to discover the look on him. It was the same one when you met him that night, holding a can of Sapporo.

"Then decided that I need a fresh air before continue studying, oh man, I hope this is the last one of hell exam weeks! Don't you think so? This year we all just gotta focus on our thesis, right?"

The smile was there again, but the sparks on the golden eyes were absent. You forgot that you had looked at him a little longer than you should be. It was unknown to you but this error traits Bokuto seemed to have these days makes you curious. Not even a single worry. Just curious.

It's just that the error was so vivid in your eyes, you wondered whether Kuroo know this too or not. The sparks in Bokuto's eyes were the first thing you recognize when you met him four years ago, even when he was sad, the sparks were somehow still there.

Did you just talk about sparks on someone else eyes? Could this exam weeks makes you any weirder or?

 

"Man, you're spacing out." Bokuto's voice quickly takes you back to the earth. Blinking for few times unconsciously, your flat expression just proved the statement from the guy even more.

"Ah, sorry. So, did you really have no plan or you actually have something to do in mind?" You quickly turned around the topic as you soon recognize that Bokuto wore quite modest casual clothes. Usually, when the three of you went out together, you mostly saw him in his university jumper. But now he rather wore an oversized red leather jacket with a thick red sweater underneath, reminding you to a chili. Not that you said that things out loud.

Bokuto's eyes now looked a little better than the dull ones that have been staying over since you first meet today. It seemed like the mood got better.

"I need to visit Xiang Xiang today! And it's not even 4 PM yet, I can manage to reach there before the sky got dark. Do you want to join?"

Your eyes widen in surprises, there are so many questions right now before you finished understanding the whole sentences Bokuto just talked about. First, why did he ask you to join? Considering your treatment to him he should've known that you're not the number 1 fan of him. Second, why did he need to visit before the sky gets dark? Is it a dangerous place? Doesn't he forget that he still is a student and he shouldn't do anything rash especially when he has exams in the way?

Most importantly, who is Xiang Xiang?

 

Unbeknownst to you, Bokuto smirked at your transparent confused expression. If he may add, this is one of the rare things he manages to see you ever being so transparent to him. It made his will to be completely fixed that he need to take you to meet Xiang Xiang.

"It's decided. I'll wait you finish your latte, and let's go together!" Bokuto exclaimed energetically while tapped your back not making your confusion to disappear in any way. You looked at him suspiciously, that was responded with the most innocent look you could ever imagine and ask how this big guy could even manage to work it with those bumps. He succeeds though.

You were suspicious rather because if you follow him, then it would be the first time for you to have a plan outside with just the two of you and Bokuto. 

In the records, there were always Kuroo and there is just no occasion that makes you feel the need of leisurely going out with the four years acquaintanceship man. There is also a little surprise from you (and you thought Bokuto was also feeling the same) that Bokuto dare to ask you going out when you know he knows you're not the most comfortable person for him to be going out with.

You finished your last sip of the heavenly delicious latte, also another last scoop of the orange sprinkles at the bottom of the cup with the remaining milk foam. The next thing you knew, you already standing leaning on the side of the seats in the Yamanote line train facing your best friend's roommate. While the mentioned still couldn't put off his grin at any moment passed.

 

* * *

 

"They are Xiang Xiang?"

You gave him a whole expression full of surprise, disbelief, utter amazement to the silver-haired guy in your side where he gave the thumb up as a reply. He did enjoy your shock.

You were here, Sunday, in a day before an exam, standing dumbfounded in front of several black-white mammals that mimicked the figure of small bears. There were not so many people around as it was close to the closing time of Ueno Zoo. It was almost like the Pandas know your massive confusion, or maybe because they saw the guy in your side waving excitedly like he was trying so hard to communicate with each of them, several baby Pandas come closer to the glass view.

"No, this one is Xiang Xiang. She's the new one here." Bokuto corrected your question cheerfully, his golden eyes didn't bother to move away from the white-black animals.

There weren't any definite words you want to mutter right now, there is part of you want to describe your confusion, there is part of you want to describe your amusement to this unique guy. How can you find such college student who would take you without a doubt to a zoo right in the middle of your exam weeks? This man is surely an exception.

 

A small chuckle was heard from you without you yourself even realize, now this one successfully made the guy looked at you. A smile formed on him following your figure who hasn't stop laughing either.

"This is the first time I saw you laugh when you're with me."

You looked up, your chuckles had stopped but somehow your smile was still there. All these surprises were taking you back, you felt like this gave you a real break that you needed. And you never expected Bokuto was the one who initiated all of these.

"Maybe because we really never hang out together."

He nodded, you were right. There wasn't a time exclusively when you had spent with him, there was always Kuroo and somehow he never managed to make you laugh nor smiles at those times.

 

"Why do you hate me?" There was a long silence before and after Bokuto thrown a question he always saved to himself all this time. You looked back quickly at him, and somehow you felt calm despite the sudden question. Your eyes started to search for him and what you found was making you feel nothing except a relief. There was a part of you that was glad that what you just found is something you expected it to be there, in those golden orbs that maybe, you had met them more than you expected all this time. You found something that was the first thing you saw in Bokuto when you met him for the first time after the match against Nekoma, along with the shaking hand that you eventually accept despite the big energy radiated from the guy who emitted.

You found something in his eyes that was also the reason why you... dislike this very decent guy.

His eyes didn't turn away from yours and nor did yours, but you gave him a cynical smirk when you were about to answer him. Maybe you can be honest for once.

"Hate is a strong word, Bokuto-san. I don't hate you, but it's true that I dislike you very much."

Mouth agape, Bokuto actually thanked you for continuing whatever you want to say that moment because he cannot understand it whether you hate him or you hate him?

 

"I dislike you because when the first time I met you, you quickly showed a part of me that I really hated the most.

You knew right that everyone knew you could be the most transparent person in the world. And i dislike you for that. It reminds me of something...

Annoying."

Your breath skipped before you realized. The cold air despite you were safely indoor was tightening your lungs. Talking about past was never easy, you just wanted to answer the oh so clueless boy that you think it may help you to let go whatever burden you felt right now. You didn't realize you were panting before you knew it.

"H-hey..." Bokuto tried to reach you but you managed to hold away his hand, you don't need any pity, you just wanted to tell him the truth.

"There is also something i want to say." You quickly continued before you could changed your mind and backing away cowardly, "correct me but have you changed these days? You acted so the opposite from what i've always marked you about. I should be happy about it right? The fact that what I dislike about you gone. But guess what?"

You hoped you don't sound to panic with how fast that statement you splutter out. A part of you only wants to quickly finish so that you can know what's wrong with you and what is the root of your thoughts. A part of you still wanted to deliver his answer to be as honest as possible. As selfish as you may sounded, you can't believe the guy still listened to the bullshits you've been talking long shamelessly. And his eyes didn't move anywhere from yours.

"I don't feel any relief or whatsoever. And I can't say that I like this new you whatsoever."

Both of you filled the silence that came in once again, but it wasn't as suffocating as the earlier one. But now you still didn't dare to look at him, though unbeknownst to you, the guy only smiled softly at your figure.

Though you realized how much nonsense you had spluttering out, and how shameless of you to judge him with your words as considering on what you said the fact that you two just mere acquaintances, Bokuto didn't feel any irritation even for a single moment. He silently liked the fact that you've decided to answer him without lies.

He may didn't get the exact answer on his question, but he felt like he got what he needed and he liked what he got.

 

"Thank god. I can live with that." His voice broke the long stupid silence between you two, you dared to look at him only to find Bokuto displaying the least expression you would expected to see on him. His eyes are back to the sight of Panda but you swore you could see a trace of smile formed by his lips. This reminded you to those smiles from early days you knew the man. And now, somehow, you don't feel the stuffy feeling that you always felt every time you see Bokuto being himself. Being as transparent as he is, when in the past it always reminded you to the past self of you that you despise the most.

Before you knew, your lips formed a curve of smile.

 

* * *

 

"Wait, you go home now?"

You stopped him realized the train they would take soon is the line to go to your place.

"Well, after I take you home first."

It's not a special thing but you were still grateful for Bokuto though part of you knew it was just because Kuroo forcefully made him promise to make sure you got home wherever you two went out. Though in practice, there are not so many occasions to do that.

"I thought you want to have some time drinking or... I mean..." you throwed an obvious glance on his outfit, a part of you still want to snicker at how bold the red color was though it doesn't seemed out of place.

"Oh this? Don't tell me you don't know Pandas like red colors!"

You gave him another disbelief look you lost count how many times it already have been. Yet, Bokuto didn't seem to realize how wrong it was for him to say that in the way that it's the most obvious and scientific discovery in the world. He proudly explained to you how the past visits he had been done to see those cute Pandas have been successfully attracting their attentions because the red color of his outfit.

"I'm pretty sure this is not scientific at all."

You tried to convince him that it was just his assumptions and maybe it's just because his hair mimicked the Pandas colors that the mammals seemed to grow the familiarity on Bokuto. 

You're not even sure whether Pandas can differentiate color. Maybe that can be a topic to search about on internet before you sleep.

A small parody headache in your head began to appear that maybe you had just spent too much time with Bokuto Koutarou.


End file.
